Lice, Pee, Poop, Fish

Yesterday was probably one of the worst days I've had as a mother. For those unsure about whether or not to reproduce... you may want to overt your eyes as this may render you sterile.

It all began at 5 AM when Hayden decided he was ready to wake up... I don't think so!!!! So, I made him a bottle and changed his diaper and zipped him back into the tent with a stern.... go to sleep!

He actually slept in pretty good until almost 8:30 which was a de-lite for me as that doesn't happen very often... and we got started on our day. I had some light house work to do so I got busy. Michael was at school so it was looking to be a pretty easy day. After the house work it was shower time. Hayden being Hayden must shower with me because he cannot be left to his own devices... life could be at stake. So we took our shower and got out to get ready to go pick up Michael. I don't know if many of you know but almost two weeks ago Hayden and I came down with LICE... YUCK! GROSS!! EEEWW!!!.... I think I got it at the movie theater and Hayden got it from me. Luckily Mike and Michael came out bug free... we thought we had taken care of the problem but I've been checking Hayden's hair daily to make sure... well, yesterday they were back. So, this means using the special shampoo and a special gel then combing the lice and their eggs out of your hair with a fine fine toothed comb... you can all imagine how my hair just is the perfect hair for this treatment!

So, I looked at the clock... 40 minutes till I have to get Michael... better hurry! I put the shampoo in Hayden's hair... it needs to sit for 10 minutes... so I start putting it in mine... I look up and Hayden is peeing all over my bathroom counter... on my makeup, tooth brushes, lotions... you name it... he even got the mirror! OK... can't deal with that now, I muttered to myself... and kept putting the shampoo in my hair.

Then I decided to put a new sheet in Hayden's crib so when it was nap time he'd be all set. (We don't mess with nap time in this house)... while I'm doing that I hear the toilet flush... so I hurry back to my room where I find a big mound of baby poo on my white carpet... LOVELY!!! and I turn to see Hayden standing at the toilet with a handful in his hand and a big piece on the toilet... He stands there saying "it's stuck!!!"... well, yes in fact it was... on the toilet seat, on his hands, on his belly....

I believe that is when I looked up to heaven and yelled "You have got to be F'n kidding me!!!!"... yes that was an F-bomb I dropped.

So, I called Mike and calmly asked if he could please pick up Michael from school because I was in the middle of a crisis... He said he would then asked me what was wrong... Cue the water works... I told him the entire story and he said not only would he pick up Michael but he would take the rest of the day off.

Meanwhile, I get Hayden and I back into the shower to rinse out the shampoo... I then apply the gel to his hair and comb out the nits... I quickly get him into a onsie and diaper and start to focus on combing out my hair...

When that was done I go downstairs to find Hayden (hoping he has been sitting quietly watching cartoons... instinct kicking in that mommy can only handle so much...) I'm not that lucky. I walk into the kitchen to find him on the counter in a sea of Kosher salt with a bag of yogurt raisins in one hand and the other hand in the fish bowl taking out the marbles and depositing them into the garbage disposal.

This all happened in a matter of about 2 hours. By the time Mike got home the crisis was pretty much at it's end. Hayden went down for his nap and slept great. I sat on my coffee table and at a salad... couldn't sit on the couch because it was sprayed down with Lice spray... and tuned in to Young and the Restless.

To some of you this may be funny... to some this may be birth control. To all of you I hope you keep in mind the word "KARMA"... which my mother insists this is.